Today's Reading
She and her sister would no longer be together—not in the same way—ever again. Of course, they'd see each other frequently: when she returned from her honeymoon, Izzy would live in Leo's house, which was just across the garden.
But at the end of the season, Izzy and Leo would go to live on Leo's country estate in Hampshire, and then who knew how often Clarissa would see her sister? Oh, she was sure they would invite her to come with them, but Clarissa had no intention of playing gooseberry in her beloved sister's marriage.
No, face facts. From now on she was essentially on her own. Of course there was old Lady Scattergood, Leo's aunt, with whom she currently lived, and Mrs. Price-Jones, the chaperone Leo had hired for her, and Betty, her maidservant, whom she'd known from childhood. But fond as she was of them, they weren't the same as a sister.
So, her old life was over and a new way of going forward had to be embraced.
Embraced? Accepted, anyway.
No, she told herself firmly, embraced was the word. If she had learned one thing in her life it was that if you wanted something to happen, there was no point in sitting around wishing and hoping and dreaming. Because nobody would do it for you. You had to make things happen yourself.
She had made Papa accept, however reluctantly and resentfully, that Izzy was her sister and would live with her. And it had changed her life.
And when they'd come to London after Papa's death, she and Izzy had made Leo, her guardian, accept Izzy's entry into society along with Clarissa, despite Izzy's illegitimacy and his vigorous opposition. And look how well that had turned out—Leo had fallen in love with Izzy and had married her. So now Clarissa needed to work out what she wanted and try to make it happen.
But what did she want? She twirled her pen meditatively and gazed out of the rain-spattered window and the saturated garden.
First and foremost she wanted a family—children. Not just one child, either. She didn't want any child of hers to be as lonely as she'd been before she'd found Izzy. That had been providential, but purely accidental.
And of course, to have children she needed a husband. Up to now, she'd been waiting for a desirable husband to present himself—but so far no likely candidates had. The fortune hunters kept coming. So she needed to take a more active role.
The idea of husband-hunting repelled her slightly—she'd cringed, observing the blatant tactics used by some of the pushy, matchmaking mamas and their ambitious daughters. She wasn't ambitious in that way: she just wanted her own chance at happiness.
But what sort of husband did she want? She thought for a minute, dipped her pen into the ink and wrote a heading—Desirable Husbandly Qualities—and underlined it.
Then she drew a decorative border around the heading.
Then some flowers along the border.
Stop procrastinating, she told herself sternly. She dipped her pen in the inkwell again and added the first criterion: 1) A man as unlike Papa as possible.
That went without saying. But she needed to be more positive. Qualities. What next?
2) Handsome. She looked at it, then crossed it out. She wasn't even pretty, so it would be rather hypocritical to demand good looks in a husband. Besides, Papa had been handsome, dangerously so. So...2) Handsome. Attractive. And then she added to me, and then added, and interesting.
3) Fidelity. Really, that should be number one—she wanted a man who would be faithful to her. Unlike Papa, who had repeatedly broken Mama's heart with his blatant affairs. But the list was in no particular order.
She glanced out at the wind tossing the branches of the trees, and considered their neighbor, Lord Tarrant, and how he adored his three little tree-climbing daughters. Yes, that was another really important quality.
4) Kindness, especially to children. Because she dearly wanted children and wanted them to have a kind and affectionate father. Which was, when she thought about it, covered in number one. But this was a specific quality, whereas number one was general.
And then she thought of Lady Scattergood's little dogs and how the first time she'd seen the first chink in her brother-in-law's hard exterior was when he'd been so gentle with little Biddy, who'd been abused and injured and was so frightened. To number four she added, and animals.
What else? A gust of wind sent a flurry of raindrops spattering against the glass of the summerhouse. She snuggled back in her chair. It was so cozy in here when it rained. She and Izzy had spent many happy hours here, reading, writing letters or just talking. Perhaps she could have a summerhouse of her own after she was married. Assuming she married a man who paid attention to her, who listened to her views and respected them.
...
